Day 5...

Today was a very long emotional day. The morning started off with great news they said Kalijah was doing so good and his x-ray looked good so they decided to take his chest tube out. I went to see him around 2pm and they said they had had to pull some air out which they do by inserting a needle. I finally got to hold him which made me feel a lot better. He looked good and his color was good. I got to hold him for almost an hour and it was so nice to be able to feel like I could comfort him. I came back around 5 and they had to pull more air out and said if they had to do it one more time then they were probably going to have to put the chest tube back in. It was very frustrating to hear this because he seems to be doing so much better but there is still a leak somewhere in his lungs. We went out and tried to keep our minds off of everything then went back again around 9. We talked to the nurses for a while and stayed there to comfort him until he fell back asleep. It was very hard to see him so uncomfortable and to not know why there is still a leak or how long it will take for him to recover. As a mom I just kept thinking of what it could be or what I could've done to prevent this and why this is happening. It's so scary to think that his health can change so quickly and how important every decision is. I hope that we will be able to know what to do for him and that things will all work out how they are meant to be. It was a very emotional day for me but I think it's just all the emotions from the week and normal emotions from just having a baby that are all catching up to me. Time seems to be going by so slow. I can't believe it has only been 5 days. I feel like I've been stuck in a bad dream and I'm just going through the motions. I had a bad feeling before the baby was born, I just kept feeling like something was going to be wrong with either me or the baby. I am hoping that everything will turn out for the best. I am so very grateful and feel so blessed to have my family so close. My parents have been such a great help and have been taking the boys so much so we can spend time with Kalijah and get some rest. I am very grateful to have my wonderful husband he has been by my side the whole time and has truly been such a great support for me during this time. I could not have made it through this past week without my husband an my parents and of course my Heavenly Father. I feel like this stituation is out of our hands so we must trust that the Lord has a plan for Kalijah and everything will work out how it's meant to be. Please continue to keep Kalijah in your prayers.